Sunday, April 12, 2009

Can't Reach R.E.M.

It’s 4:42 AM and I am wide-awake, again.  This keeps happening—I fall asleep, and then wake up 3 or 4 or sometimes even 2 hours later, and I’m up, regardless of what time it is.  It’s dark outside; the world outside my windows is quiet, yet I am awake.  I’ve had spates—and one serious phase—of insomnia in the past, but this is absurd, and I’m not sure it qualifies as insomnia if I actually do fall asleep.  It’s not really the act of falling asleep that’s the problem—it’s staying asleep!  Even with assistance (prescribed by a medical professional), I cannot sleep through the night.  And it’s not as if I’m not tired; I’m not the type of person who can function on 3 or 4 hours of sleep several times a week (plus I interact with students all day long, and I often advise them in regard to their classes, so focusing is important).  I should stop drinking liquids at 10 PM so I don’t have to wake up to pee.  I’m not even eating dinner (or snacks) late.  [TMI?]

The oddest part is that in the past, my insomnia (or just poor sleeping patterns in general) was an indication of internal strife; however, I am the happiest and calmest I have been in a very long time.  I love my new apartment and my new neighborhood; in 6 weeks the spring semester will end and a summer full of quiet/fun/personally productive work days will begin; over the summer, I’ll take at least 5 of my 6 weeks of vacation; spring will be here any minute now, which leads to summer (my favorite season); CLOSER TO FINE has been nominated for a national literary award; and I’ve started outlining/preparing to start a new novel.  So why can’t I sleep for more than 4 consecutive hours?  Any ideas? Advice? I’ll try anything (except warm milk, or any milk-related cures).

Now it’s 5:10 (I spent ten minutes staring into space, petting a cat, reading a friend’s blog).  The sun will be up in an hour, and the big question looms: sleep away half of a sunny Sunday, or get up, work out, take a walk down Amsterdam to see all the people decked out in their Easter best, then come home and take a nap, because by then I will be t-i-r-e-d.


No comments: